The IntroVert LoVe

We crave your time. We crave you in the quiet afternoon, in the thunder of storm. We don't need much, just bring us your heart, pinned to your sleeve. Just bring us your mind, cupped within your palms. Bring us closeness, your hinged rib-cage, your dreams and your aspirations. Bring us the key to the world you hold within you and we will explore it. We will always explore it.

We crave your understanding. We crave the ability to be who we are- the overthinking, daydreaming, messy hearted human being who have the loudest worlds tucked beneath their skin. We crave your acceptance - your arms around us when we need, a smile on your face, a silent sleep on your lap, a gentle kiss on forehead, a warm hug and sometimes a tight one as well and a nudge that says "It's okay to be drained. It's okay".

We crave your patience. We crave time - time to figure out the feeling that jump and leap and shout inside us. We tread so deeply, we sometimes drown. Love overstimulates us, it plants seeds in our lungs and sometimes it gets hard to breathe. We crave permission to pluck the weeds from within our chests, we crave permission to learn how to wade in our depth, until we know how to swim. We crave your confidence in us, in our ability to dug up what we want to express to you. Because we do care, we do; we just want to be sure of ourselves; we just want to be sure of our heart, before we allow someone to make a home within us, with us.

We crave close relationships. A love which makes us feel safe; safe to be near you, safe to open up with you, safe to share a secret with you and safe enough to have you our heart and love. The kind of love that erupts into an uncontrollable blaze which then simmers down to embers and burns quietly, comfortably for years. The kind of love they write novels about, poems and symphonies about. The kind of love that teaches more than you thought you could ever learn and gives back infinitely more than it takes. It is the "Love of your Life" kind of love. A long meaningful conversation in the night, a slightly illogical in between too; talk to us, we will listen to you carefully and assimilate every word coming out of your mouth. While talking to us over phone we will going to know how you would have actually said that, the tone of voice, the pitch, the words and the expressions on your face.

We crave distance. We crave room to stretch our limbs, soft moments where nothing is expected of us. This is how we connect with our softness; this is how we connect with our quiet. When this happens, we crave the ability to be alone without hurting you - without causing you to retreat into your mind; without making you believe that you did something wrong or that we have lost interest. Trust me - if we love you, we love you; But we crave your compassion, your empathy because moments alone with our hopes and our dreams are just as important as the moments we spend with you. They are our strength. They are our comfort, our fuel, our paradise.

We crave your knowledge of us. We crave the way you see the small things we do as declarations of our love. See, when we do 'extroverted' things with you, when we come out with you and dance with you and laugh out loud with you, we want you to know what that means. How we love seeing you happy. How it makes it all worth it, even if it makes us weary.

And when we invite you into our heads, when we show you our favorite books or cry in front of you while watching our favorite movie; when we share with you these extensions of who we are, and what shaped the very foundation of our souls, we want you to know what that means. How hard it is for us. How we try for you. How we always try for you.  We crave time of you, with you; for us the time is something very important, see when we share our time with you, going out with you, coming to meet you, talking to you on phone or in-person that means you are special to us, you should realize that.

We will gonna love you until the end. We will remember everything about you, the smell of your body, the color of your clothes you wear at our first meeting, the laughs and smiles. We will be there with you to wipe your tears when u cry and nose in the winter. We will give you a shoulder to lean on, we will give you warm hug when you need one; will kiss you on your cheeks, forehead or maybe the whole face as well, we will whisper close in your ears "i love you" which will going to swim across to your heart giving shiver through your body. We will see right into your eyes, will pin you down to the walls and kiss every square inch of your body leaving the impression which will gonna last forever.

We crave people in our life that make forever seem too short. We want to be surrounded by people who makes our heart pound and skip a beat because their presence makes us so happy. We want to be around people who inspire us and make us want to be better and do better. We want to be around people who we know will be there for us forever through the thick and thin because we will absolutely be that person for them. We want to be surrounded by people who actually want to be around us and don't leave us wondering where i stand with them. We only want forever relations because when we're old and gray, we want the people by our side who have been there with us for everything.

What would happen if you dove into the colossal quiet that 

heralds the storm?
Just before the storm commences its chaotic dance, we (introverts)

wade into the silence and revel in its mysterious beauty.

We allow it to envelop us.

Our thoughts and emotions emerge from the dark corners 

where they hid, marching bravely to the rhythm of our own heartbeat.

And nothing more.

From the platform of silence, we can see clearly. We look 

up from our cluttered thoughts and find beauty.

Beauty in darkness.

Beauty in creation.

Beauty in our own flawed nature.

While the world is sleeping, quietness is our muse.

Thoughts become louder as our imagination comes to life.

Ideas paint the dull inner circles of our mind and give us our 

new perspective.

In Silence we can feel, hear and see ourselves.

And our spirit, find its voice.

An Epistle

The year 2016, for me it can only be summarised in two words; “Sorry” and “Thank You”. SORRY to the people whom i hurt (unintentionally) and THANK YOU to the people who loved me so much (no matter did they stayed or not) & for accepting the apologies.

I usually don’t say it too loud but i do love all the people around me, i appreciate what you have done for me, doing for me. For all the lessons i learned with you, the fun i had with you, the memories i lived and all those impish behaviour we did in our past..i loved those and moreover i love all of you with whom i lived it ..

So, at the end of the year, in its last hours, lil drunk are my memories, lil buzzed will be my words and unconscious will be my feelings ...i want to say things to all of you..

To the two of my BFF ….AAYU & SONALIKA, Saying Thank You for what u did for me was never gonna cover what i feel for both of you, I love you soooo much guys, u r my lifeline & will always be.

To u girl, u did so much for me, things and all that fun, crying & laughing, shared secrets & silly memories, the “relationships advice”, without you i would be a mess trust me..a best female friend i ever had and always so “gossipy”, don’t get pissed but i am still gonna approach you publicly because i know u get all ecstatic at my audacious behaviour :P ..i love u so much, don’t u ever cry girl, feel free to 'slap' me whenever u feel that i need it, it certainly helped a lot :D and yeah, give me back my SHIRTS & HOODIE too , it's been over a year n half now :P

AAYU...a brother whom i shared sooo many moments, a person who is always my partner ON & OFF the field as well, those SARCASTIC comments & cheap ones too, the sense of humour u have is beyond my capabilities, i wouldn’t mess with you for sure :D & on the serious note someone who is always gonna be my brother and yeah Priya called me & said that “u r nt a confident kisser” so dude please Man Up...meri bezzati mt kara :D i vouched for you ! :3

To the both of you whatever u did for me this year is something i can’t be able to repay over my lifetime, the support from both of you guys, the care & love, the “best friends” which makes u cry & smile at the same time. Just one request from me is Don’t fight in public place it's fucking embarrassing, i mean “mere pizza mai cheese kam hai aur iske isme zyada” ispe kon ladta hai yaar :P ; i promise that i will be there for both of you whenever u need me. i hope u received my handwritten notes as well, love you so much :*

To SOUMYA, i am not gonna drag past days, its already been settled so, this year the support that you gave, the understanding, the motivation, the patience you have shown, i mean tbh u r not the person i expected to be there for me but you came, i don’t know how you pulled it off but i am glad u did, otherwise without you, i wouldn’t be able to pull myself back again on track, so much moments, food & smiles we shared are always gonna be precious for me, the Coffee at CCD and "Readers Paradise" moments were so amazing; quiz over the author’s name & fighting on best books & genre and don’t be modest but you are far better writer than me :) and i will going to be there for the Jaipur Literature Fest this year; i will not gonna let you get nervous on stage this time, you got me B-), it's the least i could do compared to what u did for me; it will be a blast for sure :D ; don't cry much (loved it though :* :P ) and next time slap me lightly if i put u in those sort of "having no other options" situation :P and also the best thing u did was planned for THE VACATIONS which was most needed for me, all the talks we talked, the memories we reminisced, the roaming around mountains and terrains for your “perfect clicks” was exhausting, not sleeping until the morning gazing at the sky, stars, just so u get that “time lapse” video  was hectic but worth it in the end, u know how to pull off best from me sometimes aggressively as well ;) & yeah just don’t make me Sing ever again [so suddenly (: ]… hate u for that :D and yeah vacation se yaad aaya...PRASHANT & SHREYA vacations wouldn’t be a fun without u guys, Shreya i still remember ur dance on “Afghan Jalebi” (no-one got that kind of move u moved, my mouth was wide open while watching ur astonishing dance skills :*) and i am not gonna get married until u danced on that track in my wedding & the dance on the “Break-Up” song..it was hilarious :’D but hey we were the winners ! B-) and Prashant, we don’t meet or talk often but the connection i have with you is so amazing and trust me u made a vacation ‘fun’ especially the “bungee jumping” part haramkhor :D and who can forget the "saanu ek pal chain naa aawe" singing from both of us together, it was amazing & u r soo good with tht guitar bro :D. We will gonna be planning for vacations this year as well (all 4 of us) but this time let prashant & me plan all this, u both girls are not good at planning :P

My college squad “NIKKU, BANA, LADDU, PILLA & “AZAD” :D , if there is something which were worth going to college was YOU GUYS, the fun in classroom, in canteen, in bathroom, on terrace, during exams (b4 & after) were sooooo much fun, the videos we made (still have those), the project work, the assignments & “cheap thrills” as well… the IMAGICA trip was the one of the best memories i have lived with you, i love you guys sooo much. We all are always different from other people in our class, not doing what everyone did & doing what no-one else did, & i believe We all are gonna be so successful in coming years, we all have capabilities to”FUCK THE SHIT” out of everyone & we are gonna do it. Love u Guys :*

The people whom i grew up with, the friends that i have for over a decade, friends whom i have lived so many moments that i wouldn’t be me without you all..SHIVAM, ASHU, ADI, SAGA, RAJJI, TANI, KANNU, PRATEEK & VASU…  The late night long drives & talk in the car with Shivam & Saga and those secrets that we shared & the car driving lessons from you guys; The CS:GO brother ashu, the flicks of awp(sniper) and headshots with ak-47, no-one can match ur reflexes in the game buddy :D; The “anda-ghotala” moment with Adi (thanks for being my wingman & haan galti mana kar aur suna kar sbki, salla “kanya rashi” :D ) & Prateek (the guy who laughs a lot, our videos would be incomplete without your laughing), Rajji ..tu to harami tha, hai aur rahega :P , Vasu i believe over the years u changed a lot and tbh in so much positive way that i am really happy for you man (still remember our late night pizza meetings, talks & secrets). My Past, Present & hopefully Future will be incomplete without you guys in it. Thanks for being there for me, with me. :)

The School-time buddies, i know list is gonna be long this time.. so starting with my “SCHOOL SQUAD OF 9 PEOPLE”, the best friend i ever had PAVI & SID, best moment was when Sid was new to the school & the “shit”, pavi & me pulled together after that we both got punished & was about to beat Bhandari sir in chess competition but they let us go b4 that :D :D, Sid thanx for reaching out to me man in need warna aap to bade log ho gye ho :P , the Rivalry i had with PARTH & HARSH ..i still hate u Harsh for scoring 100 in maths :3, the female friend squad “SHREYA, PRACHI, YAMINI, NIVEDITA, MEGHA, SHIVANI” …. Yamini be the best goddamn lawyer out there; Megha, still waiting for u to come on Dance India Dance & Nivedita thanks for coming to see me (mom told me), i got your letter as well :); Prachi thanks for being my “spy” & delivering those ‘girl’ info :D

The “OTHER & JUNIOR” squad…”NISHTHA, TANVI, HIMESH, SATYAM, HARSHIT, SHUBHAM, SAXENA SAAB, SAGAR, AKANKSHA, NEHA, NIHARIKA, AAYUSHI, DRISHTI, SOMYA, DHAWAL, AAROHI, KARAN, SID, SAURABH”,  Nishtha i am still trying to understand you, quite a mystery to me, hate u for that :3 also i got ur email :* (thanx a lot) ; Tanvi thanx for all those gifts, cards, wishes & Books :); Niharika thanks for all the tv series seasons, started watching GoT back again; Drishti, be strong out there, don’t let other take advantage of your sweet nature; Neha thanks for accepting my apologies for the “misconduct” i did in past; Shubham for not accepting it :P; Saxena agli baar tera breakup hua to rona mt bss :P; Sagar aap to “Gyan ka Sagar” hain prabhu _/\_ ;Karan i will be back on field as soon as i get thumbs up regarding my condition from doctor :); Aayushi u know u r gonna do good with the “Hamlet” play without me so best of luck :P. The fun we had in cultural fest, in zero period, during the secret meeting behind the canteen, fun at “perfect bakery”, seeing you guys after soo long felt really good (bimaar tha isi bahane milne to aaye kam se kam :D and delete the pics that you have clicked :O ), the love you have shown made me cry a little as well afterwards...thank you so much for all those notes, cards & wishes..thanx a lot all of you. (:

This Year was the best for me, the realisations i had, the problem i faced, the people who backed me, the fucking psychiatrist sessions (official & unofficial), the love i received from so many people, i never meant to hurt anyone & always try hard to keep everything clear and in order but something’s are not in our hand. I love u all (who cried & who didn’t as well) ...still there r certain people who got left, i love you too guys, love u soo much for all those wishes & notes...means a lot to me. Text me, Email me, or better call me whenever u need something from me, i would be Happy to Help You Guys (anyone & everyone is allowed to :D, just send me your contact numbers; i lost it )

I believe in coming year 2017,i am gonna implement the only resolution i took which is to be a Better Human Being. I Love You all and Thanks for being a part of my life :)

And..

“Take into account that Great Love and Great Achievements involve Great Risk. And that a Loving atmosphere in your home, around you is the foundation for your life. Be Gentle with the Earth, Be Gentle with one another. When Disagreements come remember always to protect the spirit of yourself & of others as well. When you realise you’ve made a mistake, apologize and take immediate actions to correct it. Speak & Say what you meant, Do what you love, Be Humble but Ruthless, Be Weird but Sincere, Be Calm but Contagious, Be Kind, Be Lovable, Be Helpful, Be Yourself. Remember that Best Relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. So Love Yourself, Love One Another, Love all that which makes your life together and all else will follow.”

!!! Happy New Year !!!